From: dr.eggman@juno.com

THE TOP TEN ASIAN PICK-UP LINES

10. I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.

9. I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my mom knows where I
am.
I carry this phone to call her back.

8. Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did letter in
varsity volleyball and tennis.

7. Has anyone ever told you you look like Chun Li? You know, that girl
from
Street Fighter 2.

6. What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm
finishing
my first year of residency in internal medicine.

5. Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."

4. Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried
rice!

3. You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all
the
time!

2. Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra
with
BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you
breathless?

1. My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality!

Children of the 80's

We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first "lost
generation" nor today's lost generation; in fact, we think we know just
where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak. We are the ones who played
with Lego Building Blocks when they were just building blocks and gave
Malibu Barbie crewcuts with safety scissors that never really cut. We collected
Garbage Pail Kids and Cabbage Patch Kids and MyLittle Ponies and Hot
Wheels and He-Man action figures and thought She-R looked just a little bit like
I would when I was a woman. Big Wheelsand bicycles with streamers were the
way to go, and sidewalk chalk was all you needed to build a city. Imagination
was the key. It made the Ewok Treehouse big enough for you to be Luke and
the kitchen table and an old sheet dark enough to be a tent in the forest.
Your world was the backyard and it was all you needed. With your pink
portable tape player, Debbie Gibson sang back up to you and everyone wanted a
skirt like the Material Girl and a glove like Michael Jackson's.

Today, we are the ones who sing along with Bruce Stringsteen and The
Bangles perfectly and have no idea why. We recite lines with the
Ghostbusters and still look to The Goonies for a great adventure. We
flip through T.V. stations and stop at The Dukes of Hazzard and The A Team and
Knight Rider and Fame and laugh with The Cosby Show and Family Ties and
Punky Brewster and what you talkin' 'bout Willis? We hold strong affections
for The Muppets and Rainbow Brite and The Gummy Bears and why did they take
the Smurfs off the air? After school specials were only about cigarettes and
step-families, the Pokka Dot Door was nothing like Barney, and aren't the
Power Rangers just Voltron reincarnated? Don't forget about our
adventure idols, Speed Racer and those superheroes from the Battle of the Planets.


We are the ones who still read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, the
Bobbsey Twins, Beverly Clearly and Judy Blume, Richard Scary and the
Electric Company. Friendship bracelets were ties you couldn't break and friendship
pins went on shoes - preferably hightop Velcro Reebox - and pegged jeans
were in, as were Units belts and layered socks and jean jackets and jams and
charm necklaces and side pony tails and jus tails. Rave was a girl's best
friend; braces with colored rubberbands made you cool. The backdoor was always
open and Mom served only red Kool-Aid to the neighborhood kids- never drank
New Coke. Entertainment was cheap and lasted for hours. All you needed to
be a princess was high heels and an apron; the Sit'n'Spin always made you
dizzy but never made you stop; Pogoballs were dangerous weapons and Chinese
Jump Ropes never failed to trip someone. In your Underoos you were Wonder
Woman or Spider Man or R2D2 and in your treehouse you were king.

In the Eighties, nothing was wrong. Did you know the president was
shot? Star Wars was not only a movie. Did you ever play in a bomb
shelter? Did you see the Challenger explode or feed the homeless man? We forgot
Vietnam and watched Tiananman's Square on CNN and bought pieces of the
Berlin Wall at the store. AIDS was not the number one killer in the United
States. We didn't start the fire, Billy Joel. In the Eighties, we redefined the
American Dream, and those years defined us. We are the generation in
between strife and facing strife and not turning our backs.

The Eighties may have made us idealistic, but it's that idealism
that will push us and be passed on to our children - the first children of the
twenty-first century. Never forget: We are the children of the Eighties.

If this is familiar, you are one of us... pass it on to all the
others.


102 Ways to tell if you are Chinese

1. You love to go to $1.75 movies.
2. You love to go to $1.50 movies even more!
3. You don't order sweet and sour pork, egg foo young, or chop suey at
a
chinese restaurant.
4. You have a pager, even though you don't really need it.
5. You have a really nice pager, with an alphanumeric display.
6. You have a cellular phone, even though you don't really need it.
7. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
8. You drive a Honda.
9. You have custom rims on your Honda.
10. You have a chinese knick-knack hanging on your rearview mirror.
11. You like to eat chicken feet.
12. You suck on fish heads and fish fins.
13. You turn bright red after drinking 2 tablespoons of beer.
14. You can get a buzz on Coors Cutter, O'douls, or Miller Sharps.
15. You look like you are 18.
16. You always look up at women, if you are male.
17. You always look up at chinese men, if you are female.
18. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a
dependent
by them.
19. You only buy used cars.
20. You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
21. You sing Karaoke.
22. You have a custom stereo in your Honda with the custom rims.
23. You entire house is covered with tile.
24. You have those plastic walkways covering your hallway and other
heavy
foot traffic areas.
25. You own a gun if you are male.
26. You have plastic or some other kind of cover on your furniture.
27. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
28. You eat family dinners with the TV on.
29. You love watching Connie Chung.
30. You have an incredible amount of clutter in your house.
31. You can't bear to throw away things.
32. You are an engineer.
33. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
34. You hate getting B's.
35. Your house smells like preserved fish.
36. Your house smells like chinese medicine.
37. You have about 12-20 uncles and aunts.
38. You've never kissed your mom or dad.
39. You've never hugged your mom or dad.
40. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
41. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your "coke bottle glasses".
42. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
43. You had a bowl cut before.
44. You go to yard sales often.
45. If you lose a dollar, you dwell upon it for more then 5 mintues.
46. Your parents own a restaurant or grocery store.
47. You love to "buck" the system.
48. If you are overcharged you scream bloody murder, but if you are
undercharged, you go your merry way.
49. Your hair sticks up when you wake up.
50. You get a rush from getting a good deal.
51. You'll make ridiculous offers when bargaining. ("I'll give you $5
for
that car")
52. You'll haggle over something that is not negotiable.
53. You love to use coupons.
54. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
55. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange
juice
from concentrate.
56. You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
57. You take showers at night.
58. You'll drive around for hours looking for the best parking space.
59. You'll learn about sex from someone other then your parents.
60. You'll be convinced your parents had sex as many times as required
to
produce you and your siblings.
61. You've never seen your parents kiss.
62. You've never seen your parents hug.
63. Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
64. Your Honda has been "lowered".
65. You never buy stuff from the concession stands at the movies.
66. You tip 15% or less.
67. You never order dessert at restaurants.
68. You always have water only when dining out.
69. You refuse to use the valet.
70. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
71. You avoid the non-free snacks in hotel rooms.
72. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one motel room.
73. You want your dollar back from the friend who borrowed it right
away.
74. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
75. Most girls have more body hair than you if you are male.
76. You have a great love for cameras.
77. Sanrio means a lot to you if you are female.
78. Your fridge stinks.
79. Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn 18.
80. Your parents want to live with you when they are old.
81. You tap the table when someone pours tea for you.
82. You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
83. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
84. You lie about your kids' ages when going to a movie or amusement
park.
85. You lie about your age to get a senior citizen's discount.
86. You don't want to wear your seatbelt because it is uncomfortable.
87. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and blackjack.
88. You love to play Mahjong.
89. You want to marry chinese.
90. You have to read all your parents' mail written in english.
91. You have to make phone calls for your parents to english speakers.
92. Your parents ask you if you are home when you come home. ("Faan nei
lah?")
93. You get a knuckle in your skull if you are being punished by your
parents.
94. You are constantly being set up with uninteresting people by your
parents.
95. You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
96. Your Honda has the "boom".
97. Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
98. Your childhood is filled with painful memories of the long feather
duster. ("Guy Mo So")
99. You can use the words "chink" and "chinaman" with impunity.
100. Your clothes smell like fried foods.
101. You talk at the top of your voice at all occasions.
102. You hate eating cheese.

Dirty dishes and a Harley

There's this guy who is in the market for a used motorcycle. Always
wanted a nice big hog. One day he comes across a beautiful classic
Harley with a "for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the
bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner and says, "This
bike is beautiful!! I'll take it, but you must tell me how you keep it in
such good shape."
"Well," says the owner, "It's pretty simple. Just make sure that if
the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome. It
protects it from moisture. In fact, since you're buying it, I won't need
this jar of Vaseline, so you might as well have it too." So he buys the
bike and off he goes.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend and that night they
decide to go over to her parents house. It's the first time he was going to
meet them and figures the bike will make a big impression. Before they went
in, the girl says, "Honey, I gotta tell you something about my parents before
we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes.
"No problem," he says and in they go. The boyfriend is astounded,
right smack in the middle of the living room is a HUGE stack of dirty dishes.
In the family room, dirty dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In
fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure
enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, he decides to take advantage
of the situation. Without saying a word, he grabs his girlfriend, strips
her naked, and they make it on the dinner table. Of course, no one said a
word. He thinks, "Her mom is kinda cute." So he grabs her and has his way
with her too. No one said a word again!! Then, he notices it started to
rain, so he better take care of his Harley. He pulls out the jar of Vaseline.
Just then the father stands up and shouts,

"ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES!!!!"