As you probably heard, the members of the Heaven's Gate cult were all
wearing identical pairs of black Nike tennis shoes at the time of
their demise. With this in mind, the collective marketing genius at
Nike is looking for a way to capitalize.

Top Ten new Nike marketing slogans...

10. "Too cool for this evolutionary level"
9. "The last shoe you'll ever buy."
8. "Comfort through the eternities"
7. "Official shoe of suicidal cults"
6. "Nike - Dead or Alive"
5. "We're out of this world"
4. "Five free hours of psychiatric counseling with every purchase"
3. New shoe - Air Nutcase
2. "New comprehensive Lifetime Warranty to any cult member!"

and the number 1 new Nike marketing slogan...

1. "I could die in these shoes!"