"Date guy"

Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a
shirt that had water dripping from it.
"What're you doin'?" asked his girlfriend. "How come your shirt is
soakin' wet ?"
"Well," said Bradley, "it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Canary"

Calvin went to Pearson's Petshop to complain that his canary
wouldn't sing.
"File the beak just a little, " said the owner," and the bird will
sing. But-if you file it too much, the canary will die."
Two weeks later Pearson ran into Calvin on the street on asked about
his canary.
"He died," said Calvin.
"But I told you not to file the beak too much."
"I didn't," explained Calvin, "but by the time I got him out of the
vise, he was already dead."

Terri